Today a guest blog from my friend Anna about her challenges with SAD and GAD. I haven't known Anna very long or even met her more than a handful of times but we've connected over matters of the mind and I'm really pleased she agreed to put some words down. It took her nearly a year to do so, but everyone is on their own journey so that's ok, just keep moving forward and do things at your own pace. So, over to Anna......
“I suffer from GAD and SAD. These sounds like qualifications, or achievements but ALAS are not. I like to describe myself as an all year round nightmare. I suffer particularly badly, with suffer being the absolutely correct word to use here, with migraines in the summer as high pressure is a big trigger for me, and experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in the winter. My Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) just keeps me worried about the two seasons in the time in-between. It has taken me a while to joke about this, as honestly at times it has filled me with complete despair. Like somehow I’m being punished by my body and feeling completely let down by it. This is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, it makes me, me. I have managed my migraines since I was a young teenager and unfortunately for me and 7 million other Brits just “one of those things”. Nothing for me to blame myself for. I was diagnosed with SAD last year. Again, nothing to be ashamed of. Many, many others suffer the same to varying degrees. GAD is a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than 1 specific event. This can really affect everyday life and can become totally consuming. For me, I wouldn’t be able to get through the day without saying “I’m worried about…” several times which can not only affect my peace of mind but that of those around me. I have tried to manage my anxiety myself, trying to get into a regular habit of meditating (with a mixed response, I pick it up and put it down a bit too much) and practising yoga. I took the decision, and was lucky enough to have the option to invest in myself and have private counselling. This has been the best thing I’ve ever done and my general anxiety has become far more manageable. It will be interesting to see how/if things change when the global pandemic fizzles out and life gets back to some sort of normal. SAD can be totally infuriating, as it can be really unpredictable. Some days will be fine and others it will take every fibre to get out of bed through sadness. I chose to seek help from my GP when I couldn’t manage it myself any longer due to the impacts it was having on my life. I think I probably suffered from SAD for longer than I originally reflected on and it highlights the importance of tracking mood and feelings of hopelessness to be able to arm yourself with the tools to be quite frankly taken seriously. I was really quite anxious to discuss with the GP but again without taking that brave step I wouldn’t have accessed the help I so needed at that time. Understanding that SAD is environmental, and that many people suffer to varying degrees, and that there are positive actions that can be taken to manage it a lot better than I was really helped. I did quite a lot of reading and found the MIND website incredibly useful, and reassuring. SAD lamps, sunrise clocks, getting outside for walks, taking rest. Goodness taking rest has been one of the biggest eye openers for me. Working from home has been excruciating at times, but having the flexibility to have a slower start, wake up in the light, not have to travel in the misery that is winter weather in Britain and getting into a positive habit of walks at lunchtime since the start of the year has made a huge difference. I am one of those people who has come on a big journey with understanding my mental health over the last few years. A conversation I have learnt to keep open through my job as working for an organisation where it encourages openness and support on the matter. The biggest part of this journey for me has happened in the last 14 months, accepting that more help was needed and putting my wellbeing at the top of my priority list which for me does not come naturally. Thanks, Anna
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Yesterday I was conflicted and spent some time with my anxiety well and truly in charge. The conflict was between physical and mental health, doing the right thing for me and doing the right thing for others. It was also about the definition of local and about risk. e conflict was this:
I don't know anyone within 5 miles of my house who I am friends with who I could go for a walk with. Whilst a walk alone does me good, both physically and mentally it does not do me as much good mentally as a conversation at the same time with a friend would. The main way to wellbeing I'm missing at the moment is connect, in real life, not on a screen or via a phone. So was a 15 mile drive to meet and walk along the river bank the right thing to do? Does the allowed exercise slot per day allow for the exercise to provide the maximum amount of wellbeing benefit? Does the reward outweigh the risk or is the risk too great? I didn't go on the walk, worry and anxiety kept me home which was probably overall the right thing to do in the spirit of the guidance. But I really would have liked to see someone for a chat and a walk and boosted my mental health more.
Take Care Paul Where do you get your power from, your energy, your mojo (yeahhh baby), your motivation? Chances are you get it from a number of different places, people, things, situations and these may depend on whether you are more extroverted or introverted, or an E or I as Mike Myers and Johnny Briggs might say. I've never been sure why 2 actors created a personality indicator...... So what's the point of today's ramble I hear you think, well it's about energy and more specifically how, if, whether you managed to get any recharge over whatever sort of Christmas break you managed to have. I've come back to work from around 10 days off feeling exhausted and like I have had no real recharge at all. Yes I didn't work but that doesn't mean all the time sitting around doing nothing was a suitable menu for recharging my batteries. Normally over the Christmas break I would probably do many of the following:
If the break was in times of warmer weather I would spend a lot of it outside pottering about, going for walks or sitting in a chair reading. in general I understand that Introverts gain energy from being on their own and expend energy from being around others. Extroverts are in general the opposite and gain energy from others and expend if from being alone. I spend a lot of time alone so the introverted part of my personality (because I feel I am both) gets plenty of recharge, too much some would say having spent 48 hours over this weekend not talking to or seeing anyone. But the extroverted part is crying out for an energy boost which is why I'm grateful that my office is open and I can go there and socialise a little, even if there are very few people in. My concern if how to keep the extroverted energy part topped up. Phone or Video calls don't do it (enough), it's face to face social interaction that tops up my tank and I've realised it even more recently. In the list above it's interesting to observe that even some of my alone activities, which might typically involve the pub with a book, the gym or a shop wander are actually extroverted to a degree as I feel the need to be in places where other people are. It's worth thinking about where you get your energy from and whether the current weird world affects whether that energy source is available to you and what you can do about it.
If you get energy from people but you can't see people what is the solution? I don't know but I'd like you to tell me. Maybe I need a pet? Take Care Paul The first Monday after the new year, the most Monday of Mondays a friend just said to me I'm healthy (I think), got a job, a house, I'm warm and well fed so what have I got to moan about? Well as it happens, like usual, quite a lot. Before Christmas, whilst Christmas was always going to be weird there was something to look forward to. But now the relentlessness of life being the same day after day after day is on the mind. I'm finding the particularly hard at the moment because I live alone and spent yesterday indoors all day and didn't see or speak to anyone. I actually made a point of noting that the first words that came out of my mouth was about 2 in the afternoon as I walked upstairs and found myself singing The VengaBus. If I'm finding it hard how hard must people be finding it who don't see or speak to anyone for days or weeks. I can imagine it will be bloody awful.
If you're lucky enough to have company and human contact try and reach out to others who may not. If that lonely friend sent you a Happy New Year message try and find the time to reply. If they're anything like me they are sat there alone anxiously fretting and questioning why people don't care enough to do something so simple, and reflecting on and fuelling the fire of their already low self worth. Take Care, Reach out Paul |
AuthorMr Paul Wyse Archives
January 2021
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