Confidence and work.
Confidence and love.
Confidence and life.
Why is confidence at the heart of so many things, and why is confidence so hard.
You can be the best worker but without confidence you may not progress.
You could be the best partner but without confidence not find a partner.
You could have so much to offer in life but without confidence not achieve or indeed enjoy.
Confidence is made up of many things. Genetic and life experience / ability to learn / change.
I don't think mine is naturally very high (my uncontrollable factors). But I'm going to try and have more faith in my own abilities and do a little assessment, trying to err on the positive side and see myself in a positive light.
It's now 15 mins later and the table below was really uncomfortable to complete. Natural low self confidence makes me challenge every time i write something positive and make me think 'people will think you're arrogant, you're a dick', but I'm not doing this for them, I'm doing it for me, so here it is......
So (being positive and confident) I'm actually in good shape, I have a lot going for me.
The really interesting one was self trust, 80% of confidence is made up of these uncontrollable components and mine is a lot better than I would naturally think. I have not had a terrible time, my upbringing was not terrible, I can do lots of things and learn. So why don't I trust myself more?
I think that comes down to the other part of the table, the controllable factors.
Here (after another 15mins) is my honest, and positive assessment of those
So I think all of my controllable is in a pretty good place and I could:
- stand taller every day
- get back to the gym and eat more healthily
- smile more
- invest more time in training my mind
- record, revisit and believe my achievements, no matter how small
and crucially, give myself a break, look at the positive bits and be thankful for that.
Self harm has many forms.
It can include the physical, like cutting and burning or punching walls, all things that I have done before when my self love has been low and my self loathing high.
It can include the mental, self doubting talk for example. A regular occurance.
It also can include other things that don't do you any good, such as not exercising, not eating or not eating healthily and engaging in other things that do you harm, such as drugs or drink.
Some signs of self harm are easier to spot than others.
Self harm can also be a sign of stress (and of course depression / other MH conditions). I've written before about how stress affects the decision making part of your brain, this bit that may convince me that instead of a healthy balanced diet that will make me feel better and feel my body what it needs that instead I should eat junk food, white magnums and drink too much.
When you are stressed and making bad decisions, or not thinking straight you need to realise it, or you need help from others to help you realise it and help you through the tough patch.
With some bits of self harm like not eating, that might be making sure your friend eats. Taking them to lunch. Sometimes it's as simple as that to help.
Mr Paul Wyse