Don't bring me down, no no no no no

I've had a shit day today.

I know I haven't really and if someone else described this day to me I would tell them that they hadn't, but my mind has decided that it's been shit.

The reason is two-fold.

I have too much on at the moment, expectations are high for both quality and quantity of work delivered at pace.

And something I thought I was doing and am really passionate about isn't happening in the way I thought it was / wanted it to.

​My solution or reaction to this has been to go into catastrophe mode.

I find it one of the best modes to default into, nothing like a bit of woe is me to clear the old mind.

I also had a terrible nights sleep so that added to the glitches in brain straight thinking.

The original Jay Z title, probably

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When I catastrophise it makes me ignore any good I have done, any progress I have made and just focus on the negatives. Focus really hard and really clearly on what didn't go right, what I could have done better and what wasn't perfect.

This is the power the mind has. Today was actually, logically and really a good day but my mind has decided otherwise and what my mind decides then my emotions, actions and body dutifully follow.

Hence I just sat in a meeting room at work and had a bit of a cry.

I obviously dried my eyes before I came out of the room, because there's still a stigma, there's still shame, there's still fear.

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Tears for Fears yesterday - not really relevant but we know it's a mad world

I don't really have a positive message to end on this one, i've recognised i'm catastrophising so I just need to get past it.

Take care

Paul
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