Fine is one of my most hated words. It just doesn't really mean anything. Or people use it to mean different things.
When I write something at work or do a presentation and get told it's fine I get upset. Fine is like my kryptonite, but please don't think that I think I'm superman. To me it means it's just good enough. So it's below good or at best it's just about good. I looked up fine on Google and it said this.
I wonder if that's what people meant when they said it to me. I hope so but I don't expect it was.
I never use it to describe people's work but I do use it to describe how I am.
Yeah I'm fine. Yeah not bad, yeah I'm ok or commonly 'oh you know...' are standard lazy responses but in themselves they speak volumes.
I'm not usually all the things that Google result says and can be often far from it.
I found this poem and I think it's national poetry day today. It's called "I'm fine" and think it sums it up nicely what the feeling behind the words can be, especially if you're feeling low and have one of those anxiety gremlins.
All this has come about because I have a lot on at the moment, as do a lot of other people, and I’ve been thinking a lot about wellbeing recently and how it needs to be taken seriously. And that means giving the conversation the time it deserves and being able to spot signs someone needs that time.
The work can wait. The person can't. Sometimes they just need a check in and some maintenance. You check your car every so often, do you check your wellbeing, or find the time to talk about it, or do anything about it?
I wondered on Friday if I could have a ‘sick’ day because my 'being' doesn’t feel very 'well'. I feel really run down. I could do with a break. But is addressing my wellbeing a sickness day?
I’d feel funny having the day off for it, but I think I might need to.
Maybe it's a duvet day (is it American companies that have those?) but should a day to alleviate stress or pressure actually be sick or even better wellbeing leave?
So please don't use fine, certainly not to me. Fine is meaningless. Unless you get caught speeding. And that's not fine.
Oh and the poem I found was in my own handwriting, but you might have guessed that already.
I’m no poet huh and it's a bit self-absorbed and not every day is like that thankfully but that's what the anxiety-self doubt-low self worth gremlin can make me feel when he's feeling particularly mean.
But it's probably the honest answer you might get some days if I was feeling brave enough to share when you asked how I was and I thought you really had time to listen.
But don’t worry, I’m fine, really I am, I just feel like I need an oil change.
Mr Paul Wyse