Yesterday (and don't worry this isn't just going to be full of Beatles quotes) I really struggled in a work meeting. I went into my shell. I could feel myself doing it and I hated it, but it happens sometimes and it's a symptom of living with depression. The MIND website days that with depression you might feel:
Yesterday I flipped from being in quite a good place to within minutes feeling down, completely worthless, an empty shell of myself with no self confidence about the things I believe in that I was talking about. I felt like someone had turned on a tap and drained out all my value, all my confidence. It's a horrible feeling to be empty like that. Fortunately I found some people to talk to after the meeting to help top up my value tank a little and make me feel like I am doing something worthwhile, that my views and experience are worth listening to. I'd like to understand why I flip like this. Why when I get some negative feedback or criticism that it affects me so much. I think it might be because I am a people pleaser and I want to be perfect, so anything that someone else doesn't like feels like a personal attack on who I am and on my core values. It's bloody horrible. At the end of the meeting we were each asked to give a single word to describe how we found the meeting. I was last. I declined to give an answer. If I had it would have been easy to choose. Some people say its ok to fail.
But I don't want to if it makes me feel like this. I'm my own worst enemy, but that's who I am. Take Care Paul
1 Comment
As someone who can set out in the morning on top of the world but “flip” in a matter of moments due to someone criticising me, I can empathise. Something that anyone else would just brush off can physically hurt me as deeply as if they had kicked me in the stomach and I can ruminate on for days - even though I know I am overreacting but I have learned to accept myself anyway and keep reminding myself that eventually it will pass - and it always does but god is it shit whilst it lasts. ☹️
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AuthorMr Paul Wyse Archives
January 2021
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