I’ve just started reading another new self-help book, this time it’s called “you can be an optimist”. I picked it up because I’ve always been interested in being an optician, but that’s probably because my eyesight is so bad (it actually isn’t).
Anyway back to the book.
I’ve read the first chapter and to be honest I don’t hold out much hope that it’s going to help and was probably another waste of money. I’ll put it next to all the other self help books on my self help bookcase. I may have to buy another bookcase soon.
I bought it yesterday as I thought maybe reading the first chapter quickly would transform me overnight and help for today’s interview.
I’m not sure it worked. I was crapping it today. I think I did a good job, but good isn’t usually good enough and I’m fully expecting someone else to get it. They usually do, I’m always the interview bridesmaid, never the bride and it’s been over 12 years now since I've been offered a job post interview. 12 years is a long time to feel like you’ve failed and to feel like you’re not good enough.
It does something to you failing all the time, you might even say it reinforces pessimist tendencies.
Imagine the manager of the football team seeing you do great stuff in training but never getting on the field on match day. Some people are ok with that but I find it hard.
I’ve been pretty depressed all day since the interview to be honest, playing over what I didn’t say perfectly, kicking myself for not doing better, maddened by my inadequacy and just therefore had to write some of it down to help get it out of my head so i could go to bed.
So apologies this post doesn't really have a point (what's new I hear you shout), although it's probably about not being too hard on yourself and looking at where you've got to rather than where you haven't. And not spending the evening after an interview on your own with your thoughts, if you're a pessimist.
Anyway, it's the longest day in just over a week, it'll start getting dark earlier then finally, i've been counting down to it.
Mr Paul Wyse