Today I can feel the tears in my eyes but they won’t quite roll down my cheeks
Today I am sat at my desk unable to concentrate Today I feel useless, worse than a failure, I don’t see my value Today the darkness has crept up on me Today I am scared to be alone Today my gremlins are in charge of my thoughts Today they have filtered out any of the good and only let through the bad Today I question myself why I bother, why I care, why I try so hard Today I am not kind to myself, I know it but it still happens Today I need a hug, some company, not to be sat surrounded by empty chairs Today I could just drive with no destination Today I feel trapped, unable to break the downward spiral Today my chest pounds and my stomach flutters but I don’t know why Today I am a waste of space, I should go home but there is only silence there Today I just want to eat badly, drink too much and find the comfort Today catastrophising is my default, there is no hope Today I miss love, someone who is there Today I feel so much but I also feel empty Today I compare myself to others too much Today I just want to listen to others so I don’t have to listen to myself Today my confidence has drained away, the plug pulled out Today self worth is an all time low, I contribute nothing, only take and burden Today I miss friends, laughter and understanding Today I hold my head in my hands and stare unable to take action Today remote working and its flexibility are my enemy not my friend Today reminds me why I used to self harm, to feel something, to feel anything Today I feel like I am failing, failing people, failing work, failing myself Today my only solace comes in my words, my view is a lonely one Today I could crawl back under the covers, but I know sleep will not come Today the lights have been switched off, the blue sky does not seem so blue Today my black dog is in charge and he will not leave my side Today is a long day
2 Comments
Ben
2/7/2020 05:52:05 am
Paul. Sounds like a truly terrible day. All power to you as you wrestle with the black dog. I appreciate what you do. Ben
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AuthorMr Paul Wyse Archives
January 2021
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