Today I didn't speak until 2.30pm when a friend rang me to check how I was. This wasn't through choice (the silence I mean, not the call).
I distracted myself all day today renovating my camper van (the one I bought after the bastard e bay scammer nicked the £20k I spent on the previous one which didn't exist. I'm taking my kids camping soon so it was a job I needed to do, and 7 hours of distraction today.
Then I came indoors.
And loneliness walked back through the door.
I find it hard to shake the feeling of loneliness in my life at the moment. I can go and do things and see people which I do, but sometimes I'd like people to come see me, for me to know they care, and I'm not as lonely as my thoughts tell me I am.
When you're happy you can be lonely and it can be ok, I assume.
When you're not feeling happy, feeling anxious, low or depressed feeling lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world. You don't feel good about yourself, about what's happening in your life about whatever it is you don't feel happy about and loneliness is like a like a magnifying glass, like Popeye's spinach, like Asterix's magic potion.
It's like the most powerful Marshall Amplifier making those thoughts and feelings louder and louder. It goes up to even more numbers than Nigel Tufnels Amp.
I've got a lot happening at the moment. I could do with talking it through. But I'm lonely so the only conversation i'm having is with my thoughts, and those types of conversations don't help.
I hope you're not lonely.
Mr Paul Wyse