A few weeks ago I decided (probably completely against medical advice) to reduce the amount of antidepressants I am taking.
Not by a lot, and probably by the amount that if I had gone to the doctor and talked he would have suggested (disclaimer - I'm not a doctor and also not a mindreader so he may not have said that and you should never ever take my advice).
I've been taking 150mg, and have reduced by 50mg. In fact without cutting tablets in half I would have struggled to reduce by any less so it 'seemed' ok.
I feel ok. But the thing I feel more ok about is that I didn't feel like I needed the higher dose anymore / at the moment.
There are a number of reasons, and trying to take more control of my life is the main one and I feel ready for the first time in a long time to do that.
The other main one is the blue skies. There's something powerful about that colour blue, the endless blue broken only by vapour trails of people off to exciting places. It's positive the blue sky, and that's despite me being a man utd fan and not really liking that blue on football kit.
Sometimes at work people talk about blue sky thinking, we even used to have a horizon scanning team.
I think blue sky thinking could mean something else.
So when you're feeling low, or even if you feel good and want to feel a bit gooder, do some blue sky thinking and definitely never ever take medical advice or opinion from me, go see your doctor.
I've been fortunate enough lately to catch up with an old friend a number of times. It's always great to see him, we always have a good laugh and good chat. Our most recent one involved me oversharing about all my 'problems' like I often do. We also talked about Wilf.
Wilf is my friends son. Unfortunately Wilf isn't with us anymore. He in 2014 died aged 3 from an extremely rare genetic disorder.
I never met Wilf, but I feel like I did, and none more so the other day when his dad told me about Wilf's Daffodils.
Wilf's friends and family planted daffodil bulbs in his memory.
Every year around this time they flower.
And Wilf's friends and family contact Wilf's mum and dad and say ' Wilf's daffodils are here'
That's lovely. It really touched me.
Spring is a time of new beginnings, and a time to remember fondly.
Wilf was lucky to receive support from 2 amazing charities, you can find out more about them here and maybe help
www.thebigredbusball.co.uk/newlife-foundation.html and www.thebigredbusball.co.uk/kids.html
And if you can't help, that's ok, but maybe plant some daffodils and think about Wilf and anyone special you've lost. You'll get a nice reminder every spring and fond memories.
And be strong, you've got friends and support and people who love and care for you. Lean on them if you need to.
Take care of yourself and those you love
Mr Paul Wyse