Time to talk day again
Are you going to?
Are you going to offer to listen? To properly listen, attentively, with no agenda.
It’s important for you to talk
It’s also important to talk to yourself and listen to this
You are valuable
You are incredible
You are unique
It’s ok to struggle
It’s ok to have bad days
Bad days don’t define you
A bad year doesn’t
You are strong
You are worthwhile
Give yourself a break
Keep moving forwards
Small steps are still steps
Give yourself some love
I had a walking chat (often the best type I find) with one of my mates the other lunchtime. He’s been really helpful, it’s always helpful to talk things over.
We talked about my anxiety and my impatience for things to change.
We then talked about what I want and what I need and how there is a big difference.
I have in the past been too needy. I have thought that I needed approval, needed acceptance, needed attention and needed affection from people.
I now know that I didn’t need them, because I’m making good progress to approve of myself, accept myself, attend to myself (that doesn’t sound right) and love myself (that also doesn’t sound right but stick with it).
There are lots of things I want, but I don’t need them. To need things is where I become needy and where I affect how I get on with people and they see a different side of me.
I’m not saying it’s not ok to need things, but you shouldn’t be defined by the things you need, especially if it’s around approval from others.
As a people pleaser and a perfectionist it’s not easy to accept that I don’t need approval or reassurance. But needing that is the source of a lot of my anxiety, it’s the thing which makes me check my phone, it’s the thing that makes me spend time perfecting an e mail, it’s the thing that makes me not myself.
Don’t get me wrong, we all need things in our life, love, friends, shelter, food, fun but we don’t need constant approval from others.
We need to start off believing in ourselves.
I started counselling this week, a 6 session slot which I fully expect will mend me completely…..
It was really interesting. I didn’t have to lie on a couch. The counsellor was really nice, friendly and not judgemental (or judgephysical).
After me rambling away for the best part of an hour the counsellor observed that there was a pattern throughout the ramblings around negative self beliefs.
We agreed that we would work on understanding those over the sessions, as they are likely to be the foundations of how I think and how I feel. Described as the spokes of an umbrella supporting the material which keeps the rain off.
I was also recommended a book called the Power of Now. I’d never heard of it before but listened to a you tube interview with the author. I’ve ordered it now. Have a watch of this interview www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRcARFxZweU.
You are not your thoughts, just think about that….
Mr Paul Wyse