I want to hold your hand - all you need is love

I had a walking chat (often the best type I find) with one of my mates the other lunchtime. He’s been really helpful, it’s always helpful to talk things over.

We talked about my anxiety and my impatience for things to change.

We then talked about what I want and what I need and how there is a big difference.

I have in the past been too needy. I have thought that I needed approval, needed acceptance, needed attention and needed affection from people.

I now know that I didn’t need them, because I’m making good progress to approve of myself, accept myself, attend to myself (that doesn’t sound right) and love myself (that also doesn’t sound right but stick with it).

There are lots of things I want, but I don’t need them. To need things is where I become needy and where I affect how I get on with people and they see a different side of me.

I’m not saying it’s not ok to need things, but you shouldn’t be defined by the things you need, especially if it’s around approval from others.

As a people pleaser and a perfectionist it’s not easy to accept that I don’t need approval or reassurance. But needing that is the source of a lot of my anxiety, it’s the thing which makes me check my phone, it’s the thing that makes me spend time perfecting an e mail, it’s the thing that makes me not myself.

• I want to be appreciated at work, I don’t need to be told (to know I am doing good)
• I want to be a great partner, I don’t need to be told (to know I am doing good)
• I want to be a great son, I don’t need to be told (to know I am doing good)
• I want to be a great dad, I don’t need to be told (to know I am doing good)
  
• I want to be perfect, but I don't need to be
  
• I want to please people , but I don't need to
  
• I want everything to happen quickly, but I don't need it to

 
Don’t get me wrong, we all need things in our life, love, friends, shelter, food, fun but we don’t need constant approval from others.

We need to start off believing in ourselves.

Take care

Paul