I was chatting yesterday to a colleague who is a different thinker.

By different I mean he is in the minority at work. He is creative, he connects people, he innovates, he experiments, he tries different things.

He succeeds, but he does this often in spite of the structure around him, not because of it.

He displays a lot of the traits from top right in this. 

I'm sure he does the others too but top right is his USP. That's the thing that makes him stand out from the crowd.

Unfortunately standing out from the crowd can take it's toll, especially if the structure around you doesn't nourish, support and value your USP. It can feel like you're wading through treacle, that no one 'gets' you and that work life can be a constant battle to get your ideas heard.

We chatted about this for a little while, sharing frustrations, because I tend to operate in the same space. Sometimes this is called Cognitive Diversity.

We can think about how we present our ideas to try and get more buy in, but unfortunately people can be within hierarchies that squash their creativity and don't allow it to do what it does best.

Innovation, improvement, efficiency all come from people with ideas. Whether that idea is for a new system, new process or new technology. There are some people who will get the job done, who's key strengths are not in improvement but lie elsewhere. We need them too.

But how do we make sure that the different thinkers are heard, the ones who may be seen and described as disrupters, who may say the same point over and over again in meetings to try and get it to land and who feel like they aren't part of the gang.

Life can be lonely in this space because you feel like you don't fit within the organisational norm. You can therefore feel like you're not valued for the talents, skills and diversity that you bring.

​We talked some more about what we could do about it and how he could feel like the organisation valued him, had its arm around him and gave him the space and support to do what he does best.

One of the ideas was to fuel the debate so I found an excellent article by Deloitte on Diversity of Thought which covers the problem and the value different thinkers can bring. Have a read.

Some of us see a lightbulb, some of us see a fishbowl.
​

Take Care, don't be afraid to think differently

​Paul

I've written about being a people pleaser before, or I think I have but don't have the time or inclination to go back and look. Which makes me feel bad because I'm not making it easy for whoever is reading this, so i'm not pleasing you, so I'm sorry.

It's bloody hard work being a people pleaser. It dominates my life. Although it might not seem obvious sometimes, like in yesterday's meeting where I tried to stand up for myself and not back down. I felt like I didn't please a colleague and upset them, I hadn't coz i checked today.

When you try and please people it can make it hard in the moment, and make it doubly hard after the moment when you're reflecting on what happened.

I'm trying to take a break from people pleasing at the moment which means taking space from some relationships / friendships in my life. 

This is really hard. It is my natural in built DNA to try and people please. I'm used to it and others are used to it to. It makes it even harder to say no, even if that no is to myself.

If i don't feel like (regardless of whether I have any evidence) I have pleased people I feel like a failure, like i have less worth and that I need to try even harder,

Bloody people, always wanting (in my mind) to be pleased

Take Care

​Paul

Justin Bieber once sang

"if you like the way you look that much then maybe you should go and love yourself"

He's a wise man Bieber.

But what do we do if we don't like the way we look that much, or the way we act, or the way we are, basically if we don't love ourselves?

Vitamin D comes from the sunshine.

Vitamin Sea comes from the seaside.

Where does Vitamin L(ove) come from?

For many people it comes from within. They believe in themselves. They can look in the mirror and focus on the good things they see. They can find the positive in a situation. They answer 'how are you' with 'good' instead of 'not bad'.

For me I'm still working on loving myself (that always sounds smutty) and giving myself some Vitamin L.

But it's hard, and I'm currently in a real low, and when I am I need others to help me out of it, to give me encouragement, to lend me a hand, to help me believe in myself, to tell me 'you can do it' to say the right thing.

The trouble is I don't want to ask, because I already feel shit about myself and super needy, and to ask for some Vitamin L from others just makes me feel more shit and more needy.

So what's the solution? We  unfortunately, it depends on others spotting that I'm down and in need of some Vitamin L and coming to me, making the steps to fill the space where I have withdrawn. If I've gone quiet it's because I'm struggling. If i've withdrawn it's because I'm struggling.

What I really need is someone to tell me I'm valued.

Someone to tell me I have worth.

Someone to tell me I'm loved,

And ideally, this to be a face to face conversation, and include a hug.

Take Care, and don't be afraid to step into that space if someone has withdrawn from it

​Paul