I like Philip Larkins poem below.
But I don't agree with the last line.
But I do understand that how you're brought up and what you experience can impact who and how you are, and can then affect your kids, and theirs.
I can be anxious, I have a hurry up and be perfect driver, I regularly 'push' that on my kids, I'm trying not to, and being aware is the first step to taking different action.
This is a good article http://www.thebookoflife.org/how-a-messed-up-childhood-affects-you-in-adulthood/
Even if you don't want to change yourself, for yourself, you might want to for your kids.
Last Thursday marked the end of a 3 day conference I had been involved in organising for many months.
So how did it go I was asked, and I said 'yeah i think it was alright'.
I knew it was more than alright, but my natural take on how it went (and therefore how successful it was and I was) was to say it was alright.
I was talking to my counsellor about this the other day and how I tend to naturally have three states of mind, I succeed and everything is great (this is rare), I fail (this is more common) or it's somewhere in the middle but probably towards the failure end so it's therefore alright.
Often things are black or white, I don't have a very good understanding of a certain number of shades of grey (I obviously have a red room but I write about that in my other blog).
My counsellor told me to look up some words for emotions, heres a list below, I'm going to try and use them to better understand how I actually feel rather than just being happy, sad or alright.
"Right now I feel..."
Joyful , Tenderness, Helpless, Defeated, Rageful, Cheerful, Sympathy, Powerless, Bored, Outraged
Content, Adoration, Dreading, Rejected, Hostile, Proud, Fondness, Distrusting, Disillusioned, Bitter
Satisfied, Receptive, Suspicious, Inferior, Hateful, Excited, Interested, Cautious, Confused, Scornful
Amused, Delighted, Disturbed, Grief-stricken, Spiteful, Elated, Shocked, Overwhelmed, Helpless, Vengeful
Enthusiastic, Exhilarated, Uncomfortable, Isolated, Disliked, Optimistic, Dismayed, Guilty, Numb, Resentful
Elated, Amazed, Hurt, Regretful, Trusting, Delighted, Confused, Lonely, Ambivalent, Alienated
Calm, Stunned, Melancholy, Exhausted, Bitter, Relaxed, Interested, Depressed, Insecure, Insulted
Relieved, Intrigued, Hopeless, Disgusted, Indifferent, Hopeful, Absorbed, Sad, Pity
Pleased, Curious, Guilty, Revulsion, Confident, Anticipating, Hurt, Contempt
Brave, Eager, Lonely, Weary, Comfortable, Hesitant, Regretful, Bored
Safe, Fearful, Depressed, Preoccupied, Happy, Anxious, Hopeless, Angry
Love, Worried, Sorrow, Jealous, Lust, Scared, Uncertain, Envious
Aroused, Insecure, Anguished, Annoyed, Tender, Rejected, Disappointed, Humiliated
Compassionate, Horrified, Self conscious, Irritated, Caring, Alarmed, Shamed, Aggravated
Infatuated, Shocked, Embarrassed, Restless, Concern, Panicked, Humiliated, Grumpy
Trust, Afraid, Disgraced, Awkward, Liking, Nervous, Uncomfortable, Exasperated
Attraction, Disoriented, Neglected, Frustrated.
I think this list is really useful. If we can understand better how we actually feel, then we are more likely to be able to either accept it or take some action to do something about it (assuming we don't want to feel that way) and to help others understand us better.
The ten above are some of those that I have felt today, but I bet if you asked me how I felt I would just say 'alright, how are you'.
So how are you?
p.s. if you want to practice deciding how you feel check out this fact below.....
I'm on a train at the moment, the wonders of modern technology, wi fi i mean, not trains.
I met Aladdin in the pub tonight, he didn't buy my dinner but somethings never change.
Something else that never changes is that he cares, and is a genuinely great friend, despite all the piss taking.
We had a really good chat. He's never short of a cliche but that's ok, his words and support have helped keep me going recently. He gets me, he understands me, even though he can't empathise with my challenges he tries and does a bloody good job.
The key thing really is that he knows when to listen and he knows when to talk.
We can also cover tough subjects. And that's really appreciated.
I know I've written a lot about friends recently, but when you're down you know who you real friends are.
Be there. Listen. Really actively listen. You might not get thanked for it at the time but deep deep down you will be massively massively appreciated. It really is the ones who are there for you in the tough times who are the ones you should value.
They kept going for you......make sure you keep going for them.
Well this has been a weird week.
I've been hit by 2 text message bombshells this week but as Elton would say 'i'm still standing' - I know i've said that in an earlier blog.
I've felt better this week. Either of these bombshell texts should have knocked me down, I should be weeping in the corner, but I'm not.
And the reason why is I think I might be finally starting to understand and accept that I need to be a bit nicer and more considerate to myself. Now this is a significant step in my 'journey' because I know that other peoples feelings have always been more important than mine and accepting that my feelings are important is a majorly big deal.
I've said some things this week to people I love that have made me feel mean and bad. But they've needed to be said. Does that make me a bad person, well yes in my eyes it does, but I'm starting to understand that it doesn't actually mean that. I've felt anxious about it, my stomach has been in knots, but I know the reason why is because of what I feel for those I value. It doesn't make me a bad person to love people. I need to remind myself of that.
I've sought a massive amount of reassurance this week. I've really needed it. The friends who have provided it have been amazing, and i'm sure have looked at my name on their phone and had to take a deep breath and said 'ok here we go again'. But those people are the true friends. They are there for me when I am low. Its those times you find out who your real friends are. We all have enough pretend facebook friends or twitter followers.
But who is there for you when you're low?
Who will be the first person to jump in the car to help you out?
Who is the one who would move heaven and earth to get to you and help you out?
Think about your life and who those people are. Then thank them. Appreciate them. Tell them you love them.
The people who love you................they make you who you are.
Just remember that.
Mr Paul Wyse