When things get on top of you decision making can be one of the things that suffers.
My go to response when I make bad decisions is to apologise, to beat myself up even more, dragging myself further down into feelings of low self worth.
But I know that's not the solution.
I need to stop apologising.
I need to give some space to let the situations get better, not keep digging this hole I find myself in.
I need to stop relying on certain people so much.
From some quick googling www.jneurosci.org/content/36/11/3322 I now know that:
"Anxiety works to disengage the part of the brain that is essential for making good decisions. The area is the pre-frontal cortex (PFC), at the front of the brain, and it is the area that brings flexibility into decision making.
The PFC is the part of the brain that gets involved in weighing up consequences, planning and processing thoughts in a logical, rational way. It helps to take the emotional steam out of a decision by calming the amygdala, the part of the brain that runs on instinct, impulse and raw emotion (such as fear)."
That's what my weekend felt like. It was weird. I'm really not happy about my decision making and wish I could turn the clock back.
But even now my instinct is to keep digging.
But I'm not going to. I'm going to turn my phone off (the tool of choice for many a bad decision) and try and engage my PFC, and if it doesn't want to engage I'll make sure I don't make any decisions. That's probably the best decision I could make right now.
One of the things i've learnt a lot about recently is that I need to be more thankful for what I've got, I need to be better at giving space, I need to be more fun, I need to be more upbeat, stop choosing to be sad and be a better friend. It's not easy but the risks of not doing it are too great, and the rewards of doing it are massive.
I'm ok, because I'm now back in control and making the decision, but make sure you keep an eye out for anxieties impact on the old PFC, he's a sneaky sod.
Take care (especially when you're making decisions).
Mr Paul Wyse